Do I sound like I am rationalizing, maybe because it is less hurtful to know that the person you expect to be your friends were somewhat not a friend at all? I can remember to greet them on their birthdays but they never remembered mine. Well, the association is not too strong, the food is associated with birthdays and it is my first time to have a celebration. I’ll just attribute it to weak association, maybe reinforcements are needed. To console myself, I just have to think that 3 friends’ greeting is ok than not having any greeting at all.
I sounded so bitter right but I am a realist and I learned to accept things as they are because these can be a cause for anxiety or depression and I do not want any of those feelings. I learned not to deny everything, face the harsh truth of life, by doing that I am freeing myself from any resentment or hard feelings, just by writing this down I am releasing myself from the hurt, and in psychology they term this catharsis. It seems that I am not attached so the hurt is less painful. Again, a defense mechanism but I am aware of this mechanism so I do not have to worry.
God has granted me a magnificent mind, an intelligence to be sensitive to people’s feelings; this is my gift and my curse. Yeah, I could sense to help, I could sense anger, hatred, love, anxiety, boredom name it I know. Sometimes I want to shut this out “sana manhid na lang ako” like most people but the universal law of “Do unto others what others would want to do unto you” keeps ringing in my ears.
It’s unfair, I am sensitive but others are not, I want reciprocity but I never get it. After so much thought the people that you lend a hand, the people that you remembered on their birthdays, the good things that you’ve done has their own way of coming back at you. It is reciprocated not by the same person but through other people. Every time someone has been good to me or I’ve been treated nicely, strangers who helped, students who are sincere, people who care, they are the representative of these people you’ve helped.
I’ve been blessed a lot of times, everyday is a blessing, every time I finished a lesson, every time I see the eagerness of my students to learn, every time the tricycle driver would willingly take me to Pag-ibig Homes is a blessing. The people around me is a blessing. My life is a blessing.
