I used to be so happy, now I am not. I have this feeling of insecurity which I don’t have when I was still living with my parents. Maybe I am living beyong by comfort zone. Now that I am living with my in-laws, I can list a lot why I am insecure.
1. Whenever I should go out of the house, they like it when I look presentable. Hindi ba ako mukhang presentable? Hindi ba ako pwedeng lumabas na bagong gising?
Eh pano kung may nag door bell, mag sisipilyo ba muna ako, titingin sa salamin, magpupulbos at saka lalabas? Kung sa amin, ang luwang at punit-punit ang mga suot ko,
dito lahat bago, (wow!) pero hindi naman sa mga bagong damit ako sumasaya eh, mas Ok na sa akin kahit yung mga may punit at comportable ako.
2. Skin, kung dati hindi ko napapansin na morena pala ako at hindi maputi, ngayon araw-araw kong naaalala na kelangan kong magpaputi. Bumili na nga ako ng Nivea Whitening Lotion kahit ayaw kong mag lotion eh. Eh para saan ba ang pagpapaputi ng kutis? Ang sabi naman ni Irwin kahit ano ang hitsura ko, mahal pa rin daw niya ako.
Hindi ko maisip kung bakit kelangan kong pumuti para hindi niya ako iwanan, diba dapat ang love beyond beauty, ipagpapalit ba niya ako kung mas lalo akong pumangit?
Ang sabi ko nga sa kanya ang pangit may igaganda pa, ang maganda, maganda na kaya pwedeng pumangit. Sabi kasi ni Stepford, dapat daw laging naka ayos baka daw ipagpalit ako ni Irwin, aba nakilala ako ni Irwin na pangit, na simple lang, yun nga ang gusto niya sa akin simple lang. Tapos ngayon iiwanan daw ako pag pumangit ako. Ipagpapalit daw ako.
3. Overweight, mataba pala ako! Hindi ko pansin, now, I am a short, fat ugly dark girl, iyon ang tingin ko sa sarili ko. That I have to loose weight, and get fairer skin and maybe have a nose job, bring my braces back and maybe lumaklak ng Cherifer para tumangkad. Eh wala namang effective na pampatangkad ngayon noh. Why can’t they accept me as I am?
nalungkot naman ako sa post moh. but i’ll tell u 1 thing. don’t nid to think of wat they are saying. Si Irwin pa rin ang kailangan mong i-please. Like what u have said. He loved u for what u are so u don’t need to change for other people. “WHO CARES”. If they can’t accept how you look then ask them not to look on you. minsan ganyan din feeling ko pag kasama ko mga sis ni ariel kasi mapuputi sila but who cares. My husband loved me for what i am and that is what I care for. so no need to feel insecure. we may not have the physical beauty but i know we have the inner beauty that others are not seeing. Irwin is lucky to see yours…
hello ella,
nabasa mo pala ang post ko, ayan ang feeling ko, parang I fell short in all of their expectations, I feel sad, pero hindi ko rin naman pwedeng masamain kasi baka concerned nga sila na mapabayaan ko ang sarili ko at magmukha akong losyang. Before, I used to criticize an officemate who really go out of her way just to look pleasing sa boyfriend niya, as in pa-beauty, pa puti, pa braces, pa laser ng underarm. etc. hindi ko maintindihan why she has to do that, now, biglang bumalik sa akin ang lahat ng criticism na ginawa ko. But they are good people, lahat naman ng tao may flaws, or feeling ko baka kasi may frustrations and MIL ko sa FIL ko at naibabaling nya sa akin.
Nevertheless, I live in their place I have to follow, they are so tradionalist talaga, as in lahat yata ng pamahiin, sinusunod. =)
Dibale, may awa rin ang Diyos, hope they can accept me, or better yet, sana we could find our ouwn place to live.
Sometimes I feel na ako ang masama, to think like that, na minamasama ko ang sinasabi nila or I am too sensitive to criticism.
Ewan, just have to learn how to be strong.
hi aggie.. i’ll pray for u na maging happy ka pa sin.. don’t wori bka ganun lang talaga sila. sabi mo mabait naman eh.
pero siguro mas ok din if u and irwin plan to have a place or ur own para matahimik ka din. alam ba ni irwin feeling moh? i think u should be open to him.
SMILE..